Inflate Your Nostrils

In April this year, I joined my local walking group, and it has changed my life. Let me explain. 

In July 2023, my mother passed away from her dementia in her care home. She was like the cat with nine lives; her doctor told us three times, “She doesn’t have long left, I’m afraid,” and he started saying that two years ago, but she kept “perking up”! A week after my mother’s funeral in August 2023, my sister very suddenly and unexpectedly passed away as well. To say it was a shock is an understatement. I was halfway through emptying the tumble dryer when my nephew called me. I fell to my knees in the kitchen, they just gave way from shock.

Since my sister’s funeral in August 2023, up until about April of this year, I was getting through each day the best I could. Some days I did my work, chores, and went shopping, but other days I ended up in tears and spent the whole day in bed. There were also times when I found myself just sitting at my desk, unable to focus, with tears streaming down my face. I lost all motivation and excitement for the work and hobbies that used to bring me joy. I used to wake up excited about these things, but then I had to force myself out of bed and through the day’s tasks. I felt detached, and uninterested in everything and everyone.

That was until I found the walking group in April. 

Bizarrely, one of the admins of the walking group was a close friend of my mother. As a very spiritual person, I suspect that my mother, “watching over me from the clouds”, orchestrated my discovery of the walking group to help me through my dark period. The group focuses on mental health and aims to bring together the local community who may be feeling lonely, isolated, or dealing with depression and anxiety. There is no judgment based on age, race, background, or disabilities; everyone is welcome. Remarkably, since its establishment in March this year, the group has grown to now over 2000 members ranging in age from 18 to 90. It has been a lifeline for many people, including myself. 

After losing my mother and sister, it truly felt like I had lost my entire family, as my father had passed away in 2007, and now both my mother and sister were gone. Although I have wonderful cousins who I am close to, they live quite a distance away. I also have an aunt and uncle, but they live three hours away up the motorway. Additionally, I am also blessed with amazing, precious friends who I love but even though I see my cousins and friends regularly, they all have busy lives with children, marriages, their own life incidents going on. I felt like I was suddenly adrift at sea.

This walking group has become my “tribe.” Some people might dislike that word; it might sound corny but it’s true. However, essentially we’re just all complete strangers brought together one or two days a week by a common denominator: Mental Health. Being part of this group, we all look out for, support, and at times socialise, with each other which is so vital to our daily survival. I feel like I belong to something now. The members of the group are absolutely wonderful, fascinating people, so friendly, chatty and from all walks of life. It means so much to me after dealing with the losses last year.

Having a close-knit community, whether it’s a social club, a large family, or a group of lifelong  friends, is essential for all of us. It’s a place where you are known, supported, and loved. It gives you a sense of identity and adds value to your life. If you ever feel alone or isolated, being part of a group can remind you that you are missed and wanted. One of my friends found her “tribe” by attending church regularly. It has become a significant part of her life, providing belief, happiness, and a sense of purpose. Another friend has a very large and closely connected family. They all live together on and off, spend weekends and holidays together, and keep in touch regularly. They are their own tribe.

The word tribe for most people would bring up images of Africa or Australia for example, like the Zulu tribe or the Aborigines. Historically, a tribe is known as a clan, a gathering, a group of people who share common interests or who are linked ancestrally, sometimes for survival so to trade, hunt for food or fight to protect their land. The word goes back centuries, spanning the globe with cultural, religious, or indigenous purposes. However, tribes in modern day can be anything and for any purpose such as school friends, a social group, a work group, a social media group, a health group etc. Tribes provide us with a connection, shared beliefs, and a relationship with others that enrich our lives. 

I have found a walking group that has become a huge support network for me and others within it. Its mission allows our traumas and sometimes dark journeys in life to have a voice without ridicule or critical judgments from those who don’t understand. 

I’d love to hear if you’ve found your “tribe”— where do you feel welcomed and supported and how did you find it? And if you don’t have a tribe, start one up for your local community and bring people together! 

Let me know in the comments below. 

Much love x