Embracing Solitude: Lessons in Self-Respect and Empowerment
I’ve been quiet lately, but I’ve been listening.
I’ve been listening to the world around me. Taking in conversations, dramas, stories. I’ve been supporting and advising and seeking answers. Sometimes, the only way to gain insight and experience is to sit and listen, to watch, not to participate.
I didn’t stop giving. I just stepped back. I’ve been gathering unspoken words and absent actions.
The older I get the less I want to beg for attention or affection. I give to those who give to me. But, I sit back and I wait. I watch. I let people reveal themselves to me, with their absence. It’s been interesting.
We all have life dramas going on, traumas, joy, stress but our foundations we stand on are friends and family. My direct family have all gone. I have extended family scattered across the UK who are precious to me and my “close network” are my friends. Those who show up again and again, despite their busy lives, despite short absences.
It’s taken many years but I’m finally ok being on my own. Single, independent, responsible. I love my own company. I have many interests that occupy my days as well as my work, maintaining my home, trying to keep myself happy and healthy. I don’t need a partner. But I’d love one. One day.
Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away — Barbara De Angelis
I think if you can truly be alone and ok with that solitude, it’s powerful. If you have peace then you have boundaries, self-respect and honesty. It’s taken me a long time but I’m here now and I’m proud of myself. Don’t get me wrong. My home that I love can be hauntingly silent at times and knowing there is no one there to protect you or comfort you can be daunting and scary at 3am when you can’t sleep. Again, over time, you just adapt and become braver and more resilient.
Recently, this handsome stranger messaged me on Instagram. He was friendly, quite interesting, also single. We exchanged a few messages and it was fun. But I noticed a shift in me. No longer am I asking myself, “will he like me?”. Now, I’m asking myself “is he a good fit for me?”. I decided no. He lives the other side of the world and some of his answers didn’t add up. Honestly? I can do without a player.
I also had an ex-boyfriend send me a follow request on Instagram.
He’s liked posts and sends emoji reactions. But it’s been six weeks and still no hello.
I have nothing to hide. He can scroll away. But honestly? Reacting to my stories like a ghost without a single word? That’s not him wanting to connect with me. That’s just him being nosy and cowardly.
I hear you. I could have messaged him? Of course. But after how he treated me in the end when we split up? No thank you. I’m not chasing someone who disrespected me and made me cry.
So why did I accept his request? Because, although I’ve not forgotten what he did, I’ve moved on. I don’t need revenge or to block him. I was just curious if he’d show up as a better version of himself.
He didn’t.
So, my solitude has matured my soul. Perhaps I’m a bit of an iron wall now? Perhaps. But, I’d prefer to say my self-respect has now empowered me.
So yes, I’m still listening, every day.
But my silence is me choosing peace over drama.
Solitude is not lonely. It’s luxurious.
Solitude has taught me what I deserve and what I’ll never settle for again, and actually how great my own company is!!
When love turns up again, after all these years, I’ll be listening, cocktail in hand, thinking:
“Let’s see if you’re a good fit for me.”
What has being alone taught you?
Are you still chasing? or have you finally found peace? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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